Im currently sitting under my desk in my room - seemed nice for a change of position lol - and reflecting on the past couple of weeks listening to a love songs CD compilation full of songs I love but wouldnt classify as 'love' songs go figure!
I had lunch with friends yesterday and then chatted with a couple of 'newbie friends' and then finished the day on phone with closest friends. Sitting here I realised that how I relate to each group is completely different and, though no less genuine, varied in terms of guardedness. Hmmm.
Then I realised that I really am going through a period of de and re construction really. All the things that I thought made up 'me' but were really circumstantial or brought about by establishing operations are being broken down and lost without those circumstances here in Auckland and so I feel lost and confused and adrift. Yet at the same time I am striving to adapt to the new and so I am being reconstructed - not so much losing stuff just having it reorganised and reshaped. All of which means its an awesome opportunity to grow even more intertwined to God and be more holy or set apart to Him but also requires time and intentionality and space and well pain.
Its weird - talking on the phone last night my friends reminded me of who I was, of the convictions I had before moving, of the values I hold and it was like wow yes thats right... it brought back my equilibrium a bit. Up till then i was so busy adapting I was losing sense of who I am at base and so I think I need to spend time working on that a bit. All of this self-work that I never realised I would need to do. Which is actually quite inconvenient really cos I desperately need to get organised and ready for block course and am in the process of job interviews and stuff none of which I think are quite right for me and this time in my life. Oh well at least Im learning and growing, lol.
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