Wow - yesterday was absolutely fantastic! It was cloudy and hot but I'd had it in my head that after church a group of us should actually DO something rather than just hang about in Hams or repeat the Raglan love affair. So I suggested we go to Karangahake gorge and in the end 26 of us all drove out to the Gorge for the afternoon, walked through the tunnel and then most of us went and had dinner in Waihi before going for a long walk on the beach and praying under the stars. Was a bit of a mammoth effort and we were completely unorganised but that was the beauty of it. Longtime friends and new acquaintances made that day, old (a Grandma) and young (13) all hanging out , relaxing and encouraging one another in the majestic beauty that is Gods creation - it really made my heart sing!
When life becomes all about getting through each day and doing 'the right thing' I think we lose a part of what makes us essentially Christian - the joy of the Lord. Thats what made yesterday so special for me - I was full of joy and wonder, joy at connecting with new people, joy at having fun with friends, joy in relaxing, joy in experiencing firsthand Gods provision and creativity. Joy.
We are hopefully going to invite the whole church next Sunday to join us - rather then mostly focusing on the Youth! Maybe trying out somewhere near Thames or even just Lake Karapiro. All welcome!
Thing is - we need to community the fellowship we find at church not for 'refueling' so much as to find companions to go through life with. To play with, cry with, stumble with and yell at. I am so grateful for my church family. Knowingly and unknowingly they have lifted me and supported me this week and this has helped me change the little habits I had been forming and step back up onto the track again. THANKS GUYS!!!
Oh I do like to ramble =)
Monday, 7 January 2008
Friday, 4 January 2008
Thoughts =P
When I was younger I used to read fiction books voraciously. Seriously. Thats where most of my weird big words come from cos I ALWAYS had my nose in a book. At the time it would drive my Mum nuts but it was a coping mechanism that I just couldn't cope without. It shut out all the other thoughts and fears and emotions that I couldn't deal with and let me live vicariously through someone else.
There came a time though when I had to start living my own life, dealing with my own pain and moving on. Thats when I started to become addicted to busyness - again busyness is something that prevents you from having to think, to stop, reflect and move on refreshed and enlightened.
Funny thing is - when I'm not busy I tend to retreat to (you guessed it) books =S
I have a feeling this is why a lot of guys are 'addicted' to video and computer games... why women always have 3+ things on the go... why NZ is full of workaholics.
When you are on the go 24/7, when noise and drama and things fill your life, rarely do we have to actually stop and ask the big questions: who AM I? why do I exist? is this a good idea? why do I keep finding myself in the same situations?
Having time to think for yourself seems to be a luxury and most of us would prefer to let others tell us the solutions rather than come up with them ourselves.
I wonder if this is also a huge part of the problem we have with listening in New Zealand - do we struggle to listen to others because the voices in our own heads that we keep avoiding and suppressing are screaming so loud to be heard that they drown out everyone else as well? I've noticed girls especially will talk at each other not to each other - each is having their own conversation out loud with themself on a totally different topic and both leave satisfied, possbily because they've just allowed themself to say what they really feel in a safe setting to THEMSELVES.
How can we hope to listen to God if we haven't listened to ourselves first and are quiet enought and still enough to settle to hear Him?
Maybe blogging too is a form of 'thinking' to oneself in a safe socially acceptable setting?
There came a time though when I had to start living my own life, dealing with my own pain and moving on. Thats when I started to become addicted to busyness - again busyness is something that prevents you from having to think, to stop, reflect and move on refreshed and enlightened.
Funny thing is - when I'm not busy I tend to retreat to (you guessed it) books =S
I have a feeling this is why a lot of guys are 'addicted' to video and computer games... why women always have 3+ things on the go... why NZ is full of workaholics.
When you are on the go 24/7, when noise and drama and things fill your life, rarely do we have to actually stop and ask the big questions: who AM I? why do I exist? is this a good idea? why do I keep finding myself in the same situations?
Having time to think for yourself seems to be a luxury and most of us would prefer to let others tell us the solutions rather than come up with them ourselves.
I wonder if this is also a huge part of the problem we have with listening in New Zealand - do we struggle to listen to others because the voices in our own heads that we keep avoiding and suppressing are screaming so loud to be heard that they drown out everyone else as well? I've noticed girls especially will talk at each other not to each other - each is having their own conversation out loud with themself on a totally different topic and both leave satisfied, possbily because they've just allowed themself to say what they really feel in a safe setting to THEMSELVES.
How can we hope to listen to God if we haven't listened to ourselves first and are quiet enought and still enough to settle to hear Him?
Maybe blogging too is a form of 'thinking' to oneself in a safe socially acceptable setting?
Thursday, 3 January 2008
The Cat came back...
Wow long time no blog - at least on blogspot that is! Today I got a comment in Portuguese and I was intrigued enough to go and translate it - Babelfish and the internet in general is a wonderful thing! - which led me back to my sorely neglected blogspot.
A month or so ago at church we did a series covering 9 different pathways through which we can connect with God - despite all the teaching on this I ended up focusing on one pathway to the exclusion of all others this past month and now find myself in a rut =S so here I am back to blogging to try and kickstart my journey again.
Its funny the way we each journey with God. During the winter and especially the frantic semester times I find it far easier to include God - to allow Him entry. Come summer and a season where I FINALLY have time to sleep and breathe and relax to the point of boredom and it feels like all the old barriers are up again and as I don't have to make an effort to fit Him in timewise I find I don't make any effort at all and the days slip by without meaningful dialog or growth.
And it hurts.
And I'm lonely.
But its all my OWN doing.
Whats with that? It is so true that God never leaves us - we leave Him. I am increasingly convinced that Christianity is not series of actions but rather its a direction towards God. When we stop moving towards Him or even start to retreat does that mean we are no longer Christians though? No. I think it means we are no longer behaving like Christians but our basic identity remains the same. When we change our identity deliberately and start moving towards another central idea or thing THEN I think we stop being Christian. But then those are just MY thoughts so far.
So what am I doing about all this? Well for sure I'm admitting to certain people that things are not cool with me and God at the moment. I'm also heading back down paths that have drawn me closer to God in the past and also down paths I went down when I was closer to God than I am now. Don't get me wrong I haven't left God for a time and come back its more that I haven't been deliberately seeking God and putting time and energy and thought into our relationship and this is having a really unhealthy effect on me.
If anything I have learned that the time of change - especially between life seasons - is a really easy time to fall away from old habits, healthy and unhealthy, and I need to be more aware and intentional than ever at those times. Otherwise I will keep on learning the same lessons Im learning at the moment.
Its much easier to use momentum to keep growing closer to God than to have to start yourself moving from a dead halt - Trust me!!!!
A month or so ago at church we did a series covering 9 different pathways through which we can connect with God - despite all the teaching on this I ended up focusing on one pathway to the exclusion of all others this past month and now find myself in a rut =S so here I am back to blogging to try and kickstart my journey again.
Its funny the way we each journey with God. During the winter and especially the frantic semester times I find it far easier to include God - to allow Him entry. Come summer and a season where I FINALLY have time to sleep and breathe and relax to the point of boredom and it feels like all the old barriers are up again and as I don't have to make an effort to fit Him in timewise I find I don't make any effort at all and the days slip by without meaningful dialog or growth.
And it hurts.
And I'm lonely.
But its all my OWN doing.
Whats with that? It is so true that God never leaves us - we leave Him. I am increasingly convinced that Christianity is not series of actions but rather its a direction towards God. When we stop moving towards Him or even start to retreat does that mean we are no longer Christians though? No. I think it means we are no longer behaving like Christians but our basic identity remains the same. When we change our identity deliberately and start moving towards another central idea or thing THEN I think we stop being Christian. But then those are just MY thoughts so far.
So what am I doing about all this? Well for sure I'm admitting to certain people that things are not cool with me and God at the moment. I'm also heading back down paths that have drawn me closer to God in the past and also down paths I went down when I was closer to God than I am now. Don't get me wrong I haven't left God for a time and come back its more that I haven't been deliberately seeking God and putting time and energy and thought into our relationship and this is having a really unhealthy effect on me.
If anything I have learned that the time of change - especially between life seasons - is a really easy time to fall away from old habits, healthy and unhealthy, and I need to be more aware and intentional than ever at those times. Otherwise I will keep on learning the same lessons Im learning at the moment.
Its much easier to use momentum to keep growing closer to God than to have to start yourself moving from a dead halt - Trust me!!!!
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