Being married and loving God I am finding to be an odd combination. It feels almost as if the two are oil and water... hard to mix! To love God for me is to be all consumed by Him and seeking after Him. To love a man is to be (at least for me at this point) wrapped up in seeking to serve and honour him, to please him, to seek the best for him, to encourage, to bless, to seek their pleasure above your own... - and to know that same love in return. To love a man well, requires Gods own grace and help. Can loving God be aided by loving a man in a marriage covenant relationship? I am not sure. I hope so!
I struggle to focus on God at the moment it is true. I confess I do not spend the same time reading praying and studying. I dont have the same intentional time with Him. After praying and preparing for marriage for so long I find myself wrapped up in the joy and wonder of such a blessing. I question whether it was / is an idol in my life. I wonder when my relationship with God will become dominant as it was... or will it? Should it in the same way? I am floundering.
And yet I am happy, I have joy, I praise God for His goodness to us. I desire to be close to Him in new ways, while struggling to know how to reach this. And I am intensely grateful that He is so gracious and forgiving of us in this transition time =)
Praise the Lord for He is good beyond measure and understanding and this I know too well xoxox
Tuesday, 5 April 2011
Married =)
It certainly feels like a lifetime since I have written in this spot. Strange how time can be so short and yet so packed with learning and experiences. Strange to be sitting at a keyboard staring at the keys and unsure of what to say. Strange to have done so much and be blank.
Talking about strange things I think one of the strangest things about being married is my relationships with other people. Pre marriage I was very close to my family - especially the female members. I spent a lot of time with female friends. I hung out with families and flatmates. In the build up to the wedding I became completely 'peopled' out and the busier we got the more people were around!
Come post wedding it was like I was in a vacuum and initially it was great! We loved spending time away from the demands of being social and active. We still do. But we need others in to create balance and somehow it was if none (read none as 98% of people, a couple did) of the people who were soo close pre relationship and pre marriage were seeking us out any more. I would make contact and invite people round and then nothing - no reciprocal invites, no attempts to communicate... just... nothing. Weird. It's starting to change now, partly cos I commented on it to a couple of lovely ladies and one chose to act on it, but, well, I wonder. Did I give off vibes? Did people just incorrectly assume we would contact them if we wanted to see them? Did I do this to them when they got married and they just thought well we better return the favour? Weird.
Talking about strange things I think one of the strangest things about being married is my relationships with other people. Pre marriage I was very close to my family - especially the female members. I spent a lot of time with female friends. I hung out with families and flatmates. In the build up to the wedding I became completely 'peopled' out and the busier we got the more people were around!
Come post wedding it was like I was in a vacuum and initially it was great! We loved spending time away from the demands of being social and active. We still do. But we need others in to create balance and somehow it was if none (read none as 98% of people, a couple did) of the people who were soo close pre relationship and pre marriage were seeking us out any more. I would make contact and invite people round and then nothing - no reciprocal invites, no attempts to communicate... just... nothing. Weird. It's starting to change now, partly cos I commented on it to a couple of lovely ladies and one chose to act on it, but, well, I wonder. Did I give off vibes? Did people just incorrectly assume we would contact them if we wanted to see them? Did I do this to them when they got married and they just thought well we better return the favour? Weird.
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