Define forgiveness please!

Doing my readings today on guilt, forgiveness and reconciliation I came across the following quote:

Of the great Christian or Jewish words—God, love, sin, guilt, forgiveness, reconciliation—none is a definition. They are all relational statements. That is, love is not a thing; it is a relation. Guilt is not a thing; it is a relation. Sin, too, is not a thing, it is a relation. In reconciliation, the prefix re- means conciliation reestablished, or harmony once broken put back together. This is terribly important. When I say you cannot find a definition of love, I mean that love becomes clear and recognizable only when you behold a relationship (Joseph Sittler 1986, 80).

This kind of struck me. The quote was in support of, and reference to, the way we define forgiveness etc today as opposed to the way it was defined in Jewish culture and context. While today the focus is all on self and individualism then the focus was more on unity and community. Forgiveness and reconcilation was about restoring the balance and the harmony of the entire community as a whole - not simply restoring the original relationships of the individuals involved. As such forgiveness could be seen as a process that occurs as reconciliation is achieved over time within the community.

Yet again this is a perception issue: Dispute resolution vs. restoration of community.

When we think about what forgiveness is what does that actually mean? Is it a single act that allows us to return to old feelings and relations? Is it a process that involves time and acts on the behalf of those in the 'wrong' restoring the balance? Does it mean we have to forget? Does forgiveness mean that the wrongs done to us become morally acceptable? Does forgiveness involve only the victim and perpetrator or an entire community? How do we forgive?

As I have studied this topic I have found that my understanding of biblical forgiveness and reconciliation has grown substantially. Likewise my understanding of others views of forgiveness has been broadened. We don't all think alike and so when told from the pulpit we 'must' forgive we respond very differently...

Funny how a topic we assume we understand can turn out to be a massive blob of grey confusion and miscommunication!!!