Oh and God...

Being married and loving God I am finding to be an odd combination. It feels almost as if the two are oil and water... hard to mix! To love God for me is to be all consumed by Him and seeking after Him. To love a man is to be (at least for me at this point) wrapped up in seeking to serve and honour him, to please him, to seek the best for him, to encourage, to bless, to seek their pleasure above your own... - and to know that same love in return. To love a man well, requires Gods own grace and help. Can loving God be aided by loving a man in a marriage covenant relationship? I am not sure. I hope so!

I struggle to focus on God at the moment it is true. I confess I do not spend the same time reading praying and studying. I dont have the same intentional time with Him. After praying and preparing for marriage for so long I find myself wrapped up in the joy and wonder of such a blessing. I question whether it was / is an idol in my life. I wonder when my relationship with God will become dominant as it was... or will it? Should it in the same way? I am floundering.

And yet I am happy, I have joy, I praise God for His goodness to us. I desire to be close to Him in new ways, while struggling to know how to reach this. And I am intensely grateful that He is so gracious and forgiving of us in this transition time =)

Praise the Lord for He is good beyond measure and understanding and this I know too well xoxox