YAWN

I am really really really tired - so many really late nights studying and blogging and the scary thing is I can't see me getting a break for a few weeks! On the up side though I am an incredibly happy person at the moment which is weird - usually lots of study + tooth ache + extreme exhaustion + lots of work = stressed out negative melancholy me but no, I'm good. I'm Actually Great.

I think what I am experiencing is called GRACE - the realisation that I will never be and have never been righteous or even close to good on my own has sunk in again and I am pretty much reliant on God and His all consuming Grace to do anything of worth in this world.

In addition a lot of the practical steps and things I've done to sort out the issues I have been facing these past few months are bearing fruit - Yay.

Also yesterday a prophet prophesied some stuff into and over my life and well it confirmed some stuff that has been in my spirit, that I had sensed, but had not really stepped into cos I'm scared of being 'went not sent' as Danny Guggs puts it. Plus he talked a lot about generational sin and iniquity which fascinates me and please Lord will turn into a thesis some day as we need Need NEED more teaching and understanding in this area of pastoral care in the church.

All of which is intriguing me as to why my spirit is so light at the moment and why now God and I are motoring along together on a variety of different levels.

I once heard it described this way. Think of a series of ponds linked together with one pond feeding and filtering slowly into the next just below it and that into the next and so on. As the water flows down slowly silt or dirt settles at the bottom of each pool - think of this as sin and worldliness. This stays undisturbed and the water remains clear. When a flood of water comes crashing through though the bottom is disturbed and all the dirt is swirled around muddying the water. However a lot of the dirt is washed downstream and the clean water continues to come and fill the pools leaving a much cleaner bottom and clearer water ultimately once the flood is done. If we see our sin as the mud and the water our medium through which we see and connect with God it makes sense its harder to have connection in crises as the mud is swirling but when the crises clears and the sin and character issues are washed away we are much better people for it and our relationship with God is much closer too. Very intriguing... oh but soooo good to be coming out the other side! I LOOOOOOOOOOVE GOD!!!