Miroslav Volf - Repentance

Been reading Exclusion and Embrace as prep for Justice paper this month and its been slooooow going but I just realised why - its cos something is finally making me really really think at a level thats questioning my belief systems wow.

Sooo I was just reading a piece about repentance and I gotta process it so here goes: Volf is arguing that repentance is necessary most for people sinned against initially. Yes people oppressed, down trodden, abused - they need to repent. The reason given is this: if you are in a position of oppression under people who are abusing you, you are not responsible for their actions or their sins in anyway at all BUT you are responsible for the way your soul changes in response to their sin.

Our reaction is typically to hate: to embrace enmity and envy. Enmity for them and anyone involved with them who tacitly approves and allows their sin to continue, and envy for the control/authority/power/methods of oppresion they have access too. (Random thought: this may well include desiring their punishment and incarceration - not for the purpose of redemption and restoration but rather to make them pay ie having power over them and showing them their behaviour was so wrong it deserves their freedom and indeed life as payment - desiring/longing for the day when we have power over them and more freedom than they do). Volf states it is this enmity and envy we must repent of and indeed resist.

The reason is this, if we finally get to a point where their oppression and sin against us ends and we gain the position of victors/superiors/opportunity to exact revenge AND we have not resisted and repented of this sin of envy/enmity THEN we will use these methods of oppression/control/authority/power on them and theirs probably in more creative and destructive ways... they and their followers will learn enmity/envy of us and so the cycle continues and continues. Extreme examples include the long issues found between Israel and Palestine and between the Serbs and Muslims.

In order for social change to occur, for our full human dignity to be restored, we must repent therefore. We must resist envying and hating those who sin against us and all that defines them not for their sake but for our own for fear that we become like them and lose aspects of who we are. This does not EVER mean condoning someones sin or readmiting to our lives people who abuse us and sin against us repeatedly, it does mean choosing the path of forgiveness and repentance of our own sinful responses. Challenging.

Today

Saw someone else's blog this afternoon and feel rather inspired again to take stock of where I am now. It's funny how much of a rollercoaster ride life can be. I came to college with so many mixed motives. I was semi sure God was supportive of this move - my first real departure from friends and family for a long term period of time - though I worked pretty hard at convincing myself and others of this. Thing was I knew I was in a rut and that something drastic needed to happen. Well moving has been drastic and mindbending and challenging physically, mentally and emotionally... I have also re-learnt the lesson that you truly take your issues with you lol. The good thing is that they generally become a lot more obvious to you when they hit hard the second time round, well they do for me, and the opportunity to work through them is always open with God.

In the pressure cooker of change old 'conquered' patterns of sinful actions rear their heads, fears, inadequacies, hates, loves all come into focus... It's been a process of refocusing again, realising yet again how much I need to rely upon God and trust Him to direct the process, and going back to the basic truths and steps of my faith. The scary thing is I'm slowly starting to get comfortable again and so I need to learn this time round how to stay on track in the comfy spaces as well as the painful/stressful/confusing ones.

I'm happy in a church, in a few communities, in my workplace, I'm working away at this study thing, I think I have direction and vocation a bit clearer, I'm working on me 'n God and He is def working on me! There is definitely stress going on but it's mostly ok. Weird. Come September the worst of the intense study will be over for the year with only a few pieces of assessment left... thats only 2 1/2months away. I wonder what He will throw at me next???

Peace - a funny thing!

I heard somewhere recently that peace in the bible is not 'peace and quiet' as in escape or retreat to solitude in the Hebrew context but has more to do with living in accordance with one another and God in harmony... ie not being at war.

This is intriguing me and making me rethink the 'peace of God' and what it means to be filled with God's peace. When I use the peace test and have peace about a decision its not that I am quiet about it - its that I'm not at war within myself, I'm not disturbed in my spirit but I'm content and confident in my choice.

Last night I had a conversation that probably should have happened a while ago. I came away from it filled with great peace and settled in myself for the first time in a while and I realised that this area had been effecting all of the rest of my life simply because I didn't have peace within myself and was continually questioning, doubting, reconsidering my thoughts and actions. I had been seeking God and wondering why I was struggling so much... seems this is one of a few things that I was at war with in my head and spirit and I could not resolve it on my own. Having started to do so my whole demeanor is so much improved and I feel God at work as He shapes my understanding and heart in a new way. Peace. It's soooo good!!!

^{Philippians 4:4} Rejoice^ in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.^{ 5} Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. ^6 Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ^7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

The Holy Bible : New Revised Standard Version. 1996, c1989 . Thomas Nelson: Nashville

Longing sux!

In community worship a few weeks ago I think Rod raised the suggestion that we need to long more - to dream - to hope - to imagine - to desire. Well as far as I am concerned longing doesn't happen so much because it opens me up to an awareness of what is not possible, to what I cannot change, to pain, to frustration, to weakness, to devastation, to a deep insatiable ache in my soul that I cannot assuage and God is seemingly asking me to wait on. and on. and on.

I'm not saying longing is wrong but I am saying it is costly and in a full life it brings in a new dimension I'm not sure I want to sacrifice for and yet I'm not sure I can ignore either.

So is it best to embrace longing wholeheartedly or at a distance? Does it matter? I don't know... yet

Hmph convictions!!!

Arghhhhhhhhhh that last blog required absolutely no vulnerability from me and now Im kinda convicted by that oversight. If I tried to write down all thats going through my heart and mind these days I don't know if I would stop writing for hours... too much too much.

So me = vulnerable = I want to qualify what I want to say lol.
I think I have a clearer idea now of who God is, therefore of who I am, therefore of what He has created me for / is calling me to. Which is pastoring, marriage, family, AND scholarship. Scholarship meaning doing applied research into the NZ context and relaying insights gained to the NZ church as a whole in various unforeseen God-ways. So be it. Now to find ways of growing in these areas without getting off track, without just sitting back and waiting on God making all the moves, and while still letting Him move the boundary lines as I go about life...

Vulnerable conversations

I think I live in a world, a society, a culture, which is afraid to be honest.
I think that my generation has seen so much abuse of trust,
brokenness and confusion over what it means to be a person - to be part of a functioning family or group,
and so much tolerance where nothing is unacceptable or critiquable and no standards are evident,
that we don't believe in being vulnerable anymore.
Vulnerability means abuse
means pain
means rejection
means tolerance with no offer of transformation.

When we come to the church
with these views of the world
we try to remain invulnerable
leading to
legalism
Pharisees
facades
Perfect Christians - clean on the outside and filthy inside.

If we allow Jesus to transform us maybe
just maybe
becoming vulnerable
admitting doubts
confusion
fears
sins
Sin

maybe we might find
others
who feel the same, behave the same, want the same
instead of acceptance of ourselves as we are (which validates our Sin and changes nothing)
encouragement to do better,
deep love urging us to change,
hope for a better future,

a way to reach people. Christian and non-Christian.
a way to love people. Christian and non-Christian.
a way to be the church.
a way to be real.

Vulnerable.

Why want a miracle?

In John it says that to do the work of Jesus is to believe in Him - the one who was sent. It also says that the disciples sought Jesus out after the miracle of the loaves and fishes not because the miracle was a sign but rather because they ate their fill of the food. Hmmm. Why do we seek miracles? Is it for the miracle itself (healing from cancer or pain or distress, relief from financial struggle, redemption of a hardened friend) or is it as a sign that points to the supremacy and Lordship of Jesus Christ that we might believe more and that others might know that He is God? I think that Jesus is saying here that our greatest desire must be that He Himself would be glorified through the Sign pointing to Him ie the miracle.

Does that mean I cant ask that God heal me when I am sick because I have a big assignment due and I need health to be able to focus? No. I think rather it means that I should always be seeking first to see God glorified and be willing to accept that often that means I need to simply persevere and try to glorify Him in my illness by pointing to Him at all times and believing in Him in all things. When He does bring healing or other miracles to bear it means that I need to not focus on the miracle (Wow I'm healthy! Or look I prayed and got $200 out of the blue its a MIRACLE) but rather on the one who made the miracle (Praise God - He saw my need and He met it, He is so good!). I wonder if a change in focus results in more miracles ;)